Barb Aalderink on Her Son’s Hidden Addiction | COMPASS in the Storm Ep 5

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Transcribed from the episode audio. Names, places, scripture references and medical terms have been corrected, and caption noise has been removed. Speaker names are not marked, because the source captions marked only that the speaker changed and not who was talking. Paragraph breaks follow those speaker changes.

He would, you could tell he was very depressed when he’d come and see me. It wasn’t a, “Hey, mama, you know, I love you

type thing anymore. I did not know that he was drinking like that.” So, I knew that things were happening. I didn’t know the signs.

And there were signs. His roommate called and he said, “There’s there’s something wrong. I mean, he is really in bad shape.” He said, “You need to come here.” Sure enough, he was on his knees. He was bloated. They had to take nine liters of toxic fluid out of him like three times. He could not even move. And then we took him to the hospital and he lived for 37 days. My guest today shares a heartbreaking story of a storm that caught her completely offguard. When her 33-year-old son suddenly fell ill and passed away, she only then discovered his secret addiction to alcohol. Today she shares her story and how you can help if you see the signs that your loved one might be silently struggling with this disease. Stay tuned. Hi, I’m Lana Bach, your host on COMPASS in the Storm, where we feature real life stories of people who have survived the toughest season of their lives, God’s Way. My guest today owns and operates a fullervice marketing company in Holland, Michigan called Fusion Graphic Consultants. She is also the co-founder of a nonprofit marketing company focused on finding adoptive homes for older foster children. Their organization is called Grant Me Hope. I want to welcome my guest today, Barb Aalderink. Thank you for being here today, Barb.

Thank you so much, Lana. It’s so nice to see you again.

Same here. Same here. This is kind of a turn of events here. and you had videotaped me on my one of my very first videotapes and I was scared to death. But now here I am and this is great and comfortable and I just am so pleased that you were able to join me. And I first want to say thank you and also how wonderful Grant Me Hope is for helping find homes for older foster children who I guess the term is aging out. What a beautiful ministry. which we’ll be talking about more later in the podcast. But Barb, you may remember that when we actually first met about two years ago at a women’s conference, we’ve discussed the loss of your son, Brennan. I remember thinking how incredible of a young man he must have been. He was gifted and I understand that his video editing talents helped launch the Grant Me Hope organization, which is such a great cause. But amidst all the love and joy that you and Brennan shared together, you were unaware of his addiction to alcohol until he became ill, was hospitalized and sadly passed away. And I know your loss was deeply painful. But you have a message to share about your experience. And Barb, would you please tell us more about Brennan, your story, and how you managed to navigate such a challenging loss?

Well, Brennan, I’ll tell you, he was an incredible person. He loved people. he worked with me for 11, I think it was, well, actually, he’s been gone for four years, but he worked for me for seven years, with Fusion. And he did everything for me. He did all, you know, the website. he was my IT guy. He did everything. And, he started when he was about 13 or 14. He started doing videos at school and in high school. And everybody loved it. All his friends just loved him. So, he would write the videos, write the stories. just an incredible, talented person. So, I had him do a lot of video work for me. mostly for Grant Me Hope. Yeah. Well, Grant Me Hope, we do all the video work for the children when we travel over to different states. we go to different venues. I find the venues. I work with the government people and we set up a time either one or two days that we go in and we will interview these children for probably an hour. spend an hour with them. Like last week we went to a pumpkin patch, you know, we go to different places. All they show all the kids goofing around and having fun talking to them about what they like, what they enjoy. So they can we can see their personalities and people instead of seeing a picture,

right?

We’ll know what kind of personality they have. So that he really enjoyed just from the very inception, the very first day that we did it. He’s like, “When are we going to do this again? and I’m so excited to do this.

But he called me every day. He was he was my wonderful friend and we always laughed and now I just look at his videos that he took that were fun, you know, that we’re enjoying and not look at the part that was the sad part of it. I can say too that he was so kind and so gentle to other people. He always gave. he always shared and he just he was just a lot of fun to be with. He had he had many talents. The videography, I don’t think I’ll ever see another person that was like him. He he just was detailed. he made sure everything was perfect. He loved the kids from Grant Me Hope. He just

adored interviewing them with me. So we’ve interviewed over 1,500 children in five states now.

So

Wow. Wow. So when you look back to with the loss of Brennan, can you explain what happened? Like what was the order of events that led Brennan to being in the hospital and your discovery of his addiction? he the first thing that happened to him is he had he fell on his head. Had a concussion in Grand Rapids with his friend. He was drunk. I didn’t know he was drunk, but he fell on the back and had like 14 stitches. Ever since that happened, he was he didn’t have any bleeding in the brain or anything, but he was different. He was he was failing in his video work. the last video that we did was over at Frederik Meijer Gardens in Grand Rapids

and he could hardly function.

so I knew that things were happening. I didn’t know the signs

and there were signs. His skin was turning just pocky like white bumps. He had he showed me a bruise on the side on his side. He had like a seizure when we came back from a video shoot because he hadn’t had a drink for a couple days.

And the whole time I didn’t know I did not know that he was drinking like that. I think he had such anxiety and depression because of COVID and everything that he just

was in another world. And so he would drink at night.

And I never knew that. I didn’t know it the whole time.

Wow. Wow. until he started showing these symptoms and then he went in the hospital for 37 days and I couldn’t see him which was awful.

I saw him four days before he passed away.

He took a hold of my hand and

wow

I knew you know he was I knew he was a Christian. I knew that he was going to go to heaven.

I’m so sorry. That’s a just heartbreaking because again you know that whole CO issue just I don’t know so many people suffered even beyond their suffering but do you do you think it was because maybe when he had the injury on his head was he taking any kind of medications? Do they know or was it just something that maybe he was doing even before the injury to his head? Did you ever discover what started it? what led to it just so that people who might be listening might say, “Hey, you know what? My child experienced this and they had to take some kind of medications for pain. Should I be watching for this?” Is there anything that you can suggest on that?

I didn’t, like I say, I did not know that he was drinking like that, but I was trying to get him help. I knew that psych psychologically he was going through some problems

and I told his grandmother and his father and tried to get him some help.

He did not want to take medication

and I know now it’s because he was drinking,

right? He did not want to take medication, but he did agree to see a social worker, which he did online,

but it really was too late, you know. He he was just past the point.

He would you could tell he was very depressed when he’d come and see me. It wasn’t as hey mama, you know, I love you

type thing anymore.

It was different. What was the event that drove him to the hospital for the 37 days? was there was it something that with his head? What what was it that drove him

to the hospital that day?

He had roommates. He had a couple roommates. He was not married and they called us the night before. Actually, it was Easter.

Brennan was 33 when he died

and it was right at Easter time when Jesus died at 33.

Yes. And

the next day his roommate called and he said there’s there’s something wrong. I mean he is really in bad shape. He can’t he called me up and he said I can’t get up mama. Isn’t that funny? And I thought I don’t understand you know. He said you need to come here. So we went over to his home. Sure enough he was on his knees. He was bloated. They had to take nine liters of toxic fluid out of him like three times.

He could not even move. He was so he was just bloated everywhere.

And then we took him to the hospital and he lived for 37 days.

Oh wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

So sorry. So sorry. And and so you really didn’t know anything that was going on. And now that you look back, what would you say are the signs that you would tell a parent or a loved one, hey, if you notice there’s something different going on, look for these signs. What what would you say?

Well, I know I mean I have a lot of my friends where their kids died of fentanyl and drugs, you know. I just think I think you just have to watch their personality and it’s like changing Brennan changing from a happy go-lucky child to coming over and just not hardly saying hello to you. You know, there’s something wrong.

So, what I would say is just watch for the signs.

You just never know. And I’m not going to I will never blame myself because I tried.

Right. Exactly. And I know it had to be really difficult. cuz that’s a very untimely that kind of loss is untimely and unexpected. And is there anything that if looking back for suggestions for someone who might be watching this and saying, “Hey, I better check out my son or my daughter or my friend, husband, wife even.” Is there anything that you would have done differently during this challenging journey that you had to walk through that you say, “Hey, I wish I would have done this.” Not necessarily blaming yourself, but saying, “Well, maybe I should have done this or this.” And I know as an older for an older child, I’m not sure how much you can actually say, “Hey, look, we need to get you to a doctor or whatever.” But if anything, you could look back and say, “Hey, parents, do this.” If you ever notice anything that’s suspicious? I think the biggest thing that we probably should have done is just brought him in to Pine Rest or someplace because after he had his seizure at my house, he would not even go into the hospital cuz he knew that he was dying.

And he told me six months before he passed away, he said, “Mama, if I if I die,” he says, “I want you to be happy. I want you to know that I’ve lived a good life,

but I don’t want you to cry and I want you to be happy. I want you to fulfill your life and that’s what I’ve been doing.

Yes. Yes. Awesome.

It’s changed me a lot.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Oh, you’d never be the same after something like that. No, no. And you know, again, that’s where his kindness and concern and gentleness, you know, telling his mom, “Hey, look, you know, live your life.” How just a beautiful soul. And and Barb, you’ve turned your loss in and your pain into such a great purpose by helping others who may be silently suffering from addiction. And I know addiction can happen in different ways. you know, however Brennan started, whether it be with medication or just trying to console something that was bothering him, but also people, even adults that are my age, get addicted to medications that were only meant to be prescribed, you know, during your recovery. And in that kind of loss, in the kind of storm you were in, what would you say was your compass during that storm in your life when you were having to realize all this was happening and that Brennan actually was dying? I mean, that had to be a shock for you. how did you get through that? What was your compass? What was that thing that kept you going through that traumatic time?

It wasn’t easy, that’s for sure. I a lot of praying just trying to deal with you know talking to God and say please whatever you need to do if you need to take him.

it was tough. It was

I guess I would say that a lot of praying. I the day after Brennan died I took a walk and there were cumulus clouds everywhere. He loved Toy Story. He loved all these incredible videos, you know, animated videos and there were cumulus clouds all over. And then my daughter was coming in through Chicago and she goes, “Mom, there’s there’s all these cumulus clouds everywhere.”

I said, “Oh my goodness, God is telling us that Brennan’s okay because of those those clouds that he loved.” And then I got all these flowers. I have an entire flowers from his funeral are still living. And I can’t even take care of flowers. I’m terrible.

Me, too.

They’re all still living. And during I get a lilac for Easter.

There’s one lilac. I get a heart flower like once every month or something. A heart flower will come out. And it’s like all these signs.

Wow.

It’s just incredible. I get these signs from him.

So I just I feel that

he’s still, you know, his spirit is still with me.

Yeah.

And he was

it was interesting because when I went to his bedroom, he was reading the Ragamuffin Gospel, which is for I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of it.

No.

It’s incredible. It’s it’s really for you know younger people to understand about Jesus and I wanted to make sure that he was doing that. But his sister got him that book and it was sitting right there on his end table half read.

Wow. And I think since then I have been reading a lot of Randy Alcorn mostly you know about heaven and

it really changes you. It changes you to understand that this world is so short and getting to heaven is just the most beautiful thing in the world.

Absolutely. you know.

Absolutely. Absolutely. And when my husband passed away three and a half years ago, the book that was given to me was Imagine Heaven. And that oh that just eased my mind to know because my question was always what are you doing up there? I’m sure you ask yourself that too, Barb. Like what are you doing up there, Brennan? you know, while we’re sitting down here trying to discover what kind of food has low salt so we can eat it, you know, do I agree with you that the Lord often allows us a little bit here and a little bit there so that we will we will know in our heart that they’re okay. They’re okay and they’re and that and I often say to the Lord every night still I say to the Lord, if it’s possible, would you just like tell Steve I love him? Give him a hug. I don’t know.

I do that every night.

I hope you’re taking care of him that he’s eating okay and you know we’ll just make sure he’s okay.

And isn’t that crazy because we know a camera,

you know.

So yes, but thanks for sharing that. And and Barb, you did send me the video of your daughter Lindsay who it was a precious video of her sharing with her brother. I’m sure because of COVID she probably couldn’t go and see him, you know, but in the video it just all I mean just wanted to ball because she was sharing with him the love of Jesus and that one day that they’ll be celebrating in heaven together and I just thought that was so precious.

but she’s amazing.

Absolutely. You’ve been blessed, Barb. You’ve been blessed. Yes. And and I’m assuming that the passing of Brennan had to do with the liver failure. Was it did they ever given it was liver failure? Okay. Okay. And so with that, all of this whole storm that you went through, Barb, is there a message that you would like to share with anyone listening who maybe is has experienced the loss of someone to a silent addiction, especially the loss of their child or maybe is experiencing something like that like because you went through 37 days of trying to figure out, you know, Lord, what’s going on here? I never even knew this. Is there anything you would say to someone who might be experiencing that right now?

I would say if you have lost a son or a daughter, you basically just go out there and help your help your friends, give them all the love that you can and all the support that you can

and just try to comfort other people. You know, that’s what I’ve noticed is that

I what I do is I try now it’s just so different because I do so many Christian conferences and things like that have changed me quite a bit.

Yeah.

But I think that these people need to know that they can get a lot of support. I went to Starlight Ministries and I met with all mothers, you know, that were have lost their sons or daughters. A lot of questions were asked. You know, what if my son committed suicide? Does he go to heaven? There’s a lot of questions, but you know, it’s like if they accept Jesus in their life, I do believe that they’re going to heaven.

Absolutely.

So, just talk to people and help people out.

Yes.

Any way you can.

Absolutely. Absolutely.

Support.

Yes. Yes. It’s in fact that’s what they teach you in the grief the grief education that’s one of the things to help get you through your grief journey is helping others and again Barb your son was actually working with you and actively involved in helping with Grant Me Hope and Fusion Graphic Consultants your your marketing business and I’m sure Barb, you miss him every day. I’m sure. Every day. But despite Oh, I’m sure. despite your loss though, you’ve managed to keep continue your business and Grant Me Hope. And I would just love for you to share some details about Grant Me Hope and of course Fusion Graphic Consultants as well. But share some of that with us about Grant Me Hope.

Okay. Grant me hope. I started that 11 years ago with Helen Zerup. She’s a an adopted mother. She also owns a trucking company. She’s an incredible woman. And she called me up one day and she said, “Barb, if I get you to if if I get some funding, would you do these videos for children to get adopted?” She said, “These teenage kids are 600,000 in the United States that do not have a home that are in residentials all over.” And she said, ‘I want to get them adopted or get them foster homes. I said, ‘Oh, I’d love it. I used to be a teacher, you know. I’d love it. It would be wonderful. I love kids.

Wow.

So, we do all the videos. I deal with all the government people. I deal with the venues. I have all my own videographers that are in all the states.

Okay.

So, we’ve got five states, Michigan, Indiana, Ohio, South Carolina, Georgia.

Okay.

Those states. And I have videographers that go and they interview the kids now

so I don’t have to go to every single interview.

Right.

I love it.

If people are interested in Grant Me Hope as far as more information, would they just go on your is there a separate website for that?

Yeah, grantmehope.org.

Okay. And we’ll

their website. Yes.

And we will put that in the podcast as well. Okay. Perfect. And I read something Barb about is there a thrift store, a grand thrift store in Hudsonville, Michigan? Correct.

Yes, there’s a thrift store. We also have three homes for aged out children. We have one for boys and one or two for women. That’s after they age out of the residentials and they need to have a place to go to learn how to find a job, how to get a job, how to,

you know, get a license, all that kind of thing. So they go to these homes and they have parents, house parents

there.

And so we have three of those homes too.

Great. And that’s awesome, Barb. And just a quick question. Age out is that it’s a teen like 18. Is that

Yep. It’s 18 years old.

Okay. All right.

And a lot of them, you know, they want to just kind of be on their own. But then there’s other ones that say, “Hey, you know, I need help. I need help to find jobs and somebody to work with me. And so they it’s all free housing for them. Most of the kids that are adopted are are from like 9 to six, you know, 17, okay?

That are in the residential home. And then what we do is we’ll do a success story, you know, on a couple that have adopted them. And then we show that at our big celebration

that we have in the spring.

Wow.

So it’s incredible. Almost 22 TV stations that we put them on and their social media.

Wow. That is so awesome. Boy. And also by the time this podcast airs I think the flower shop is opening. Is it this month?

Yeah, it’s opening. It just opened actually.

Okay. It’s in

Allegan.

Yeah. In Allegan.

Allegan. Amazing Grace.

You know, a lot of things going on.

Well, I saw it. I saw it on Facebook actually. I said, “Oh my gosh, this is part of Grant Me Hope.” So, so our listeners can actually show show support. even if they’re curious about adopting a foster child or if they want to support the Grant Me Hope, they can always visit these stores, Grant Me Hope thrift store, the Amazing Grace Flower and Gift Shop. And of course they can go to your website which we’ll also put that on the podcast here. and then also do you want to share a little bit about your fusion graphic?

For sure. Yes.

I started my business 18 years ago. I’ve been in marketing all my life u from teaching to marketing.

We do websites, we do graphic design but focusing on videos basically. And now we’re doing a lot of Christian conferences all over the country. we also do life’s legacy where we do stories for seniors. We’ll go to the homes and they can tell their whole entire story. We scan the pictures. We interview them. We ask them questions about their life and they go on and on and on. It’s it’s really incredible to see that. and the family buys the video and they can have a entire video of their mom or dad online like that.

I wish I wish I would have had that of my mom and dad.

I mean that’s beautiful. Barb,

also anybody that wants to talk to me, I would love to talk to people try to help them any way I can. And that is fusiongraphicconsultants.com is my website. You can get my phone number on there and I’d be happy to talk to you about anything. Yes.

Deep in your heart that you need to talk about. And I and I appreciate you’ve got so much to offer. And again, I know it’s I know it’s a joy to talk about Brennan, but it also can be bittersweet because your heart will always yearn to have him. I’m sure. And I want to thank you, Barb. And my prayer is that this isn’t just a regular podcast, but that this podcast will minister to someone who’s watching that maybe can be enlightened by what you’ve discussed about intervening for someone who may silently be struggling with an addiction of any kind. But in your case, Barb, you know, you had mentioned those signs to watch out for, and I appreciate you taking the time to come and share that and for being my guest today. And your life experience, Barb, and even Brennan’s life has allowed God to use you and help others who may be walking through that kind of storm today. and you’re proof that God takes our tragic events in life and can still use them for a greater purpose than we ever imagined. There’s always hope in Christ. And I want to thank you, Barb, and for all you’re doing for Grant Me hope. God bless you and your family and your business. Thank you. And I hope we’ll talk soon.

Okay. Thanks, Lana.

Okay. Bye-bye. Friend, if you are listening to this podcast today, it’s not by accident. There are many hurting hearts that turn to substance abuse because they are need of a touch from God’s loving hand. They need Jesus in their lives. I ask that you share this podcast with a friend or family member that could benefit from hearing what Barb shared today. It could be a matter of life or death. Isaiah 61 tells us that Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted, to set the captive free and to open prison doors for those who are bound. It was the late Charles Stanley that I feel said it best when he said, “When God looks at you, he not only sees you as you are, he sees you for what you will be. He sees you a masterpiece, a person of value, worth, and great promise. If you are listening today and bound by addiction of any kind, know that God wants to set you free from that prison and make you into the beautiful masterpiece he has designed for your life. Join me in a prayer asking for God’s touch to release those needing freedom today. Lord, we pray for any family member or friend that suffers from a hurting heart and is bound by addiction of any kind. May your healing hand touch their mind and spirit even now. And may they feel your presence like never before. release them as they call upon your name and as they ask you to be their Lord and Savior. Bring new life into their spirit and may they know the freedom that comes with serving you. We pray this in Jesus’ name and we thank you Lord. Amen. I hope you receive something special from this podcast today and thank you for joining me. Be sure to mark your calendar for the first Tuesday of next month so you don’t miss the next COMPASS in the Storm. My guest will be Darlene Larson. She suffered a life of daily abuse, eroding her self-worth and causing horrible emotional pain. She’ll be sharing her story of how God miraculously recycled her pain into his purpose and he wants to do the same for you. See you then and remember to stay the course. God bless you.