Valerie Juillerat on Saying Yes to God When It Costs Everything | COMPASS in the Storm Ep 4

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Transcribed from the episode audio. Names, places, scripture references and medical terms have been corrected, and caption noise has been removed. Speaker names are not marked, because the source captions marked only that the speaker changed and not who was talking. Paragraph breaks follow those speaker changes.

And so I’m watching them walk across the living room with their backpacks and their shoes and they’re walking up the stairs and I could just see the rage starting to build on these young boys’ faces and you know they’re like 10 and 13 I think at the time. So beautiful blondhaired blue-eyed boys and I’m finding rage on their face and I thought we can’t we can’t do this anymore. Friend, are you feeling hopeless and unable to see a way out of the endless storm in your life? My guest today bravely battled the darkness that threatened to consume her life and her family. But she’s here today to offer you renewed hope in the Lord. Stay tuned. I’m excited to welcome my guest today who is the best-selling and awardwinning author of her book titled Finding Hope When Storms Don’t Cease. She is also the founder of the International Christian Book Awards and the voice behind her speaking ministry called Lessons of the Heart. Welcome with me, Valerie Juillerat. And thank you, Valerie, for being here today.

It’s an honor.

It’s good to have you. But your book is incredible and I have read it and it’s just amazing. And it’s probably hard for people, Valerie, to understand or even to imagine what you were feeling during those three years of the fiercest storm of your life. You were in a ferocious battle for three years. And one thing that came to my mind was in Proverbs 13:12. scripture tells us that hope deferred makes the heart sick. It’s actually saying when we feel hopeless, it makes our heart grievous, full of sorrow. And I know that you had to feel hopeless many times when you were going through that storm. And would you please share your story and what you were feeling during that time in your life?

Yes. So it all it all kind of started after I got remarried. my husband and I had owned a successful business and we had built our dream home and it was a Cape Cod home with a pond in the front and all the frills. So it was beautiful and we had grown this business to a half a million dollar company. So, it was it was a nice substantial business. But what people didn’t realize was that there was a lot of emotional abuse at home in our relationship.

And we were married for eight years. We were together 10. And so there was a lot of people that didn’t didn’t know what was going on behind the scenes. And I had two boys, David and Austin, and they were becoming tween boys, at the end of the eight-year period. And there was one night when the boys come home from being at their dad’s. And, they come home and I don’t know, he laid into them about something as as usual. And, you know, their relationship had been very damaged. And so I’m watching them walk across the living room with their backpacks and their shoes and they’re walking up the stairs and I could just see the rage starting to build on these young boys’ faces and you know they’re like 10 and 13 I think at the time and so beautiful blondhaired blue-eyed boys and I’m finding rage on their face and I thought we can’t we can’t do this anymore because I was emotionally and mentally and physically to the place where I didn’t even know who I was anymore.

Right. Right.

And so as I’m watching how, you know, I think and a long time I was in denial. you know, as Christians, we don’t want to get divorced. I had already been divorced and I didn’t want to be that woman who was with that title again. And so I stayed in it. But when I started realizing how much it was affecting not just me but my kids, I was starting to get scared. I was scared at what was going to happen in our future. So we did get the divorce and honestly life became very peaceful. Our home was a safe place

and it was it there was just peace again. Then about it was about a year later I met a man that swept me off my feet. was handsome and charming and you know just everything you thought that you wanted in life and we had this soul connection to where I mean our faith was on the same level at that point and it was just amazing because I he was the only one that understood my faith and so I was I became very attached to him. Well, my ex-husband got very sick and when he did the no the business started taking a nose dive.

Okay.

And you know I didn’t he retained the business so I didn’t but when it started going downhill as fast as it was and he was so sick that he couldn’t care for it anymore. they called me up and asked me if I would want to buy it. And for me, that was like a dream come true because this was a business that I had spent eight years helping build. And it was just part of my dream to be able to have that again. And so I was honored and I was humbled at the same time because, you know, when you when you when it’s an ex and it’s they’re coming to you and they were saying the only one who’s going to be able to turn this thing around is you.

So, you know, I felt very honored by that. And I and I felt like they trusted me in a way that you don’t normally get in that kind of situation.

Right. Right.

And so we did I bought the business and we had the dream house and life was good. and then one night I’m sitting in bed and I had felt that I had calling on my life and it had been 25 years that I felt God had called me. I was at a Beth Moore conference.

Oh, okay. And as I’m listening to her, I heard the Holy Spirit say, “One day you’re going to be on that stage.” Well, maybe not the coliseum stage. But, you know, I knew I was supposed to be on a stage. And I knew I was supposed to write and be a speaker, but it seemed like every time I tried to step into that role, it was the doors were always slamming shut. And I was so frustrated by that. I didn’t understand.

Mhm. And so, you know, it just I was starting to feel this little unction that maybe it was about time. And so, I’m sitting in my bed propped up and I had some books and I’m like, “Okay, God, is this the time? Do you do you want me to do this? Is this you starting to lead me? Are you can you confirm this for me?”

Right.

Because, you know, I didn’t want to I didn’t want to move before he was ready for me to move.

Exactly. Well, then I hear this voice and you know, it’s not the audible voice, but it’s but it was as loud as could be, you know, in the Holy Spirit and he said, “Valerie, if you do this and you follow me in obedience, you may have to be willing to lose your dream home, your dream business, and one of your sons to drugs and alcohol.”

That puts you on pause.

Yeah. And so I just sat there for a moment and then I said yes. And it was about a month later that our world started to fall apart, you know, that we’d had that peace and everything was going so good and all of a sudden life changed and the craziest things started happening in the business. I mean, it was just things you couldn’t explain.

It was on the slippery slope, which, you know, was already was when I bought it. But, then the man that I thought I was going to marry, everybody thought I was going to marry him and I thought I was going to marry him. He decided to move out of state

and so he left me with a broken heart.

Wow.

So, that sunk me into a depression that I’ve never experienced before.

And I remember sitting on the porch with my mom. She came to visit and we’re just sitting out there looking over the pond and I said, “Mom,” I said, “I just don’t understand. I just can’t find joy.”

And she says, “Well, honey,” she says, “you’re grieving.” And I’d never looked at it that way. You know, nobody had passed away or anything,

but when he left and that happened, it was just like someone my half my soul was missing,

right? So, you know, I started understanding that somehow I had to find some joy. Well, then the boys started getting both of the boys started getting into drugs and alcohol.

There was phone calls every weekend. You know, one or the other was getting caught doing something. We were in and out of the court system. we were in and out of youth facilities and jails. There was car accidents. I mean, it was

it was just unreal. It was to the place where you felt like you couldn’t catch a breath in between those waves that were hitting.

And so then David u David is my youngest.

Okay.

He’s the most adventurous, but he they ended up wanting to send him to the Department of Correction, the Pendleton Department of Correction for drugs, which is basically a prison for youth.

Wow. And and so I was really really upset about it because it’s like he just needs rehab. He needs help, you know, and our oldest one, Austin, he was in jail for alcohol. M.

So, a couple nights before we were supposed to go to court for the sentencing of the Department of Correction, I was asleep and I started having this dream and it was like it felt like Austin had walked into the room into the bedroom and I was really tired and so I could feel his presence come in and then it was like it the presence change and I could feel David and he comes up to me and he’s just standing in beside me on the bed by the bed and I’m thinking, well, why isn’t he saying anything? You know, surely he’s in here wanting to ask a question, but he’s not saying anything. And there was just silence. Well, then this the feeling in the air changed and I could feel the presence of evil

and I felt this finger that it just reached out and I had it like pressed on my arm and then it was like, you know how they have the kind of outer body experience and I don’t want to get weird or anything.

No, I know. I know.

It was like it was like I floated up and I could see myself down on the bed and I could see a demon sitting right beside me.

Wow. And he took his he starts laughing and he takes his tongue and he starts running it up my arm

and he says, “I’m not finished with you yet and I’m not finished with your boys yet either.”

And then I woke up.

Wow.

And so that next morning I couldn’t even go to work. And so I’m sitting on the couch with a box of Kleenex and just crying out to God. It’s like, “God, please.” And and it was because he was getting ready to go into this prison. And I was scared to death of what was going to happen in that prison. And I’m like, God, please let the judge decide to send him to a rehab where he where he can get help. The other thing was I wanted him to be able to get his education.

Right. Right.

And so he ended up going into the Department of Correction. And after David had gotten home, I was in his room and I don’t know, was clothes laying around or something, you know, he’s a teenager. And so I was kind of picking up after him and I find this folder. Well, it was from the prison and it had like his medical papers and stuff like that in it, his discharge papers and all that. Well, inside the folder was a letter and it was from one of the other inmates.

And it was telling David that when he got out in a couple months, he was going to go into business with David and make him some money.

Well, then I realized why I was so scared. Why what the demon was trying to tell me because there wasn’t there was more to come. Our life was just getting started. the storms were just getting started. And so we went in, he started doing some hard drugs. Then he started dealing and it came to the point where we did have an overdose on heroin and his dad had found him in his room by himself. Luckily, and you know, his father’s kind of hard of hearing, so it’s it was by the grace of God that he heard him

cuz he was he was kind of making some weird noises.

Wow. that night I get the call that he’s overdosed and I’m in I’m 30 minutes away. I’m in I’m in another town. And so I get in my car and you know you’re you’re flying there and you got all kinds of things going through your head. Am I going to make it in time?

Mhm.

And so I get there and again we’re we’re in CO. So I did get to go in individually and I’m looking at this boy. I mean, he’s he’s a handsome handsome blondhaired boy. And they’ve got him sitting up with mask and stuff on him. He was on a respirator to keep him going.

And and I’m standing there going, “God, is this the night?

Is this the night that you mean that I’m going to lose my son?”

And I could not cry for 5 days. It was weird. I couldn’t cry. I was just and I ended up, you know, you really need to deal with what’s going on inside of you because I end up going into a store and breaking down crying to this poor lady at the store.

When she asked me how I was doing, it was like there it goes. So, we got through that one and then he ended up he had lost his job because he was smoking the pot so it was on his clothing. So he lost his job that day and his girlfriend and him had been fighting and she was upset because of the stuff that he was doing. And so that night he gets a phone call. He’s hanging out with his brother and one of their friends and he gets a phone call and the kid wants to know if he would like a Percocet 30 pill.

And he’s like, “Why not? I’ve lost my job. I’ve lost my girl. What do I have to lose?” So he goes and he asks the guy, “Is this the real thing?” Because supposedly a Percocet 30 will just help you get a high. If they’ve snorted it’ll give you a high.

Okay.

So that’s what he thought he was getting. And he asked him three times, “Is this the real thing?” And he said yes. Well, about an hour later, they all three had t had snorted some of that. And then they decided to go out in the car and just drink and talk and his girlfriend went out with him and all of a sudden they’re talking and David just drops over. He just slumps over, stops talking.

Wow.

And she makes the frantic 911 call which when I do a multimedia presentation of our story.

Yeah.

And we have that actual 911 phone call from her.

Oh, that’s the real one. Yeah, cuz I’ve seen that. Yes. It is chilling.

Wow.

And so we have recreated this as that night as a short film that we show in our presentation.

Yes.

And and it’s also in the book. But if it had not been for her making that frantic phone call, I mean, he it had been long enough that his lips were turning white and she thought he was gone. She his breathing had gotten very shallow.

Wow. And so the officers arrived and once again it was the Narcan shot that helped him

survive that. It took three Narcan shots the first time around.

So you know God was gracious in this. So I sometimes I feel bad when I have when I share my story because I feel like not every family gets to have the opportunity for their child to be spared.

And that’s a really hard one to understand.

Yes. But what I’ve learned through it is that I had to trust God because he told me up front. He was already preparing my heart

in the beginning and telling me you may have to be willing to lose. And that is willing to lose. You know, I didn’t know what lose meant,

right?

What did that mean?

And so I had to be willing to trust him that no matter what it meant.

Yes.

That it was going to be okay. That he was going to give me the strength to get through

right

those things. So

Amen. So you basically that’s what led you into the ministry where you are doing now then basically this whole story and I know Valerie you found the strength to say yes to God’s calling even when you knew it meant risking everything like you said he had already told you and I know that there are some people who find it hard to say yes to God’s calling just because they fear criticism and yet in the face of in your book when you share you know that is it time for me to step into my calling and he spoke to your heart and said if you do this and follow in obedience that it might cost you your dream home, your dream business and lose one of your sons to drug and alcohol abuse. but yet you said yes. How did you find the strength to say yes to God knowing it meant risking everything? I said it fairly quickly, but at the same time, I didn’t say it easily.

You know, you’re you’re kids for a mama’s heart, that is

h they just have such a special place in a mom’s heart and

and that was it was a horrible thought to even think about.

But, you know, I had seen God work in my life in so many different ways. And I knew that I could trust him. And I got to thinking about the fact that, you know, God was willing to give up his son.

Shouldn’t I be willing to give up mine?

Oh, wow. Yeah.

Yes.

Wow.

And and I knew that God knew my heart.

Yes.

Heart was that I wanted everybody to know my Jesus the way I do

and the relationship that I have with him. And I want everybody to experience that.

Yes.

So I said yes. And what I told him was what? Whatever we need to do, Lord. Whatever we And that was a wei.

Whatever we need to do,

right?

But use me as your instrument and use me to reach thousands and not just a few. And I had that on my prayer wall for many years.

Use me to reach thousands and not just a few.

Wow. And you certainly are. You certainly see. And then another thing that I wanted to mention was that in chapter 32 of your book, I love this statement and I think everybody should keep this in the back of their mind. You said faith doesn’t come by getting what you want. Faith comes when you don’t and you trust him anyway. And like you said, you had to really just trust him. When you said yes, you had to really trust him. And we’re so I’m so thankful that you did because I wouldn’t be here talking to you today. God is just doing a great work. And I wanted to ask you, Valerie, what would you say was your compass during this storm in your life? The one thing that helped you navigate to the place where you are today.

I did a lot of different things that, you know, cuz I was completely alone. Both the boys were incarcerated. I didn’t have that extra spouse or anything. And so I started, God became my husband.

God became my best friend. And so I spent a lot of time, you know, I would I would do like I would listen to the televangelists all the time. You know, Joyce Meyer was one of my favorite.

Yeah, me too.

And so I was continually filling my myself with the word.

I would listen to the praise music in the car. But the biggest thing that was so important, I believe, was just taking the time to sit and talk to God. And I would just pretend he was sitting beside me. I would literally picture him sitting beside me and us having that conversation.

Wow.

And that he became my everything.

Absolutely.

Because some people are like wondering, “How did she get through? How did she get through?” And that is a huge huge great piece of advice, Valerie. just make Jesus your center. In your book, because you were having horrible dreams during this time in your life, and you said in your book that all of your dreams ended with you crying out to Jesus, which led you to this truth for anyone going through a difficult time, you say, “When we walk through the storm, the answer is to call on him.” And I thought that was so great. So basically that to me is a great compass to give people who are going through a horrific storm in their life right now. is there one piece of advice, Valerie, that you would share with someone listening today, which I’m sure there’s probably someone listening today that’s going through a storm that seems to be costing them everything. They can maybe relate to what you’re saying and they’re feeling hopeless. is there anything that you could say to them? What would you say to that particular person listening today?

I would say it’s like it’s like what you do with a friend. So, you don’t really know the friend until you’ve spent the quality time with them.

So, spending time with the Lord because he’s the one that’s going to have to give you that strength to get through.

But trusting him with your everything, I mean, that is key is just trusting him with your everything. And I will share that, you know, I when I went through that point of depression and mom had said that, you know, this is you can’t find joy because you’re so down. And I was laying in bed one morning and all of a sudden I hear the song bird outside my window.

And I thought that is such a beautiful sound. I just love that sound. And for a just a moment I felt a little piece of joy.

Yeah.

And I thought, huh? So every day then I started to find just a little piece of joy, just a little morsel and it would be the boys would be laughing about something is like ah there I found joy in that and every day that’s what I did to help myself recover.

Yeah.

And and also stepping out and helping other people.

Yes.

Because then it wasn’t so much focused on what my problems were, but what can I do to help you? And that brought so much healing.

Yeah. Absolutely. Great words of truth, Valerie. great words of truth. Thank you so much. All such a such good advice for anybody that is going through a difficult time. And and actually you are a living testimony, Valerie, that proves that with God’s help, it’s not only possible to get through the storm that cost us everything, but that when we finally get to the other side, God can give us greater purpose than we ever imagined. Right. Yes, absolutely. So, before we end, please tell our listeners where they can purchase your book,

finding that.

Yeah, you can get the book at Amazon. And they’re $15.99 on Amazon. If you go to my website though, valeriejuillerat.com, what we’re doing is we’re offering three for 20. And the reason for that is because we want you to have the book for yourself, but we also want you to have one for the friend that maybe didn’t get to listen to this podcast, but also have one because you just, you know, you’re going to run into somebody who’s just going through the storms of life and needs some hope. And so you can give that and we make it very affordable that way.

Great. Awesome. And we will put that on our podcast. We’ll make sure we put the valeriejuillerat.com and they’ll know the spelling of it because maybe by listening to it is a little bit of a tricky name. It is.

I had to practice I don’t know how many times to get that right.

Great.

But I assume also Valerie, I’m assuming they can use that link if they want more information about your speaking ministry, Lessons of the Heart.

That’s correct.

Great. Okay. So, we’ll put that in the podcast. And and Valerie, I want to thank you again. Your life speaks God’s strength in times of trouble and is renewed purpose in our pain. and you have given renewed hope in a time when many people feel hopeless. So, God bless you, Valerie. God bless your family and your ministry. And I hope to see you soon. Thank you.

Thank you so much.

I trust you received hope and encouragement from my guest today, Valerie Juillerat. Friend, maybe you’re listening today and struggling with extremely difficult circumstances. Perhaps you have a loved one who is battling an addiction. Or maybe you are fighting one of your own, maybe of deep anger or tremendous guilt or just feeling like you’ve done too much and that God could never forgive you. Today you are hearing truth. Scriptures tell us in 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” The act of your confession to sin is the path to receiving God’s forgiveness and purification. Follow me in this prayer of asking Christ to come into your life and to receive forgiveness of all your sins. Heavenly Father, I come to you in the name of Jesus and as a sinner in need of a savior. I believe that Jesus Christ was your son who died for my sins and rose again that I might have new life. I ask that you cleanse me from all my sin. I accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Help me to live my life as a reflection of your love to others. I pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen. If you prayed this prayer, your sins are forgiven. All of them. And if you’re interested in learning more about the next steps in your new life in Christ, please subscribe to my email list at LanaBach.com. And be sure to also subscribe to this monthly podcast and I’ll be sure to get information to you. Thank you for joining me today and be sure to mark your calendar for the first Tuesday of next month so you don’t miss the next COMPASS in the Storm. My guest Barb Aalderink will be sharing how she navigated the heartbreaking loss of her 33-year-old son. She shares a message of hope and healing. See you then. And remember, friends, stay the course. God bless you.